I’m Still Here…

When I set up this blog it was a way for me to get things off my chest and also a way to let the world know that kids are kids but that doesnt mean us adults have to like it!!

Like I said in my previous post, I’ve had alot to deal with in the last year and it hasn’t been easy. I’ve really struggled to find the happiness and laughter in my family again and its only now that as we are coming up to the year anniversary of when all the shit started that I can finally see how far we have come and how much better we are now.

We moved house. It wasn’t our choice, our hands were forced and that was the start of a very troublesome few months for us. On top of all that I was planning my Wedding. We moved into our new home 3 weeks before our Wedding…that’s how close it was and that’s the level of stress I was under. The kids didn’t understand. They thought it was one big adventure, and I suppose in a way it was, but how I wish that I had just a few minutes access to their innocent minds to see how they saw it and maybe, just maybe, I could of breathed a little more.

I’m not even sure how I managed to keep it all together…and to be honest, I don’t think I did because the few months after the move and the Wedding I felt like I was in this limbo stage. Not quite knowing where I was or even who I was. I turned 30 a couple of months later and that’s when it all hit me. I realised I had become a fully fledged adult, moved 10 times in 12 years, had 2 kids and gained one, and got married. My brain decided right then there that despite all this change and upheaval and all this stress of the past few months…it was going to give me one final challenge.

So I quit my job.

That was scary. The job I was in was a comfortable one. It was safe and I could of been there a long long time. But the dynamics of it all, losing precious family time and the stress just wasnt worth it. It was one of those jobs you go in to at a young age and work your way up, but I wanted to take it at my own pace and work to where I wanted to be when I wanted to be. That job would never of allowed me to do that. I made sure I knew what I was doing (even if I didn’t really have a clue) and went straight into another job two days later…and I haven’t regretted it one bit. I work with children now (mental much?!) but it is so rewarding. Some days I come home tired but other days I’m energised and happy that maybe I made a slight difference to one of the children that day, however small. Also, I get my weekends and my kids school holidays off too…which has had an amazing effect on me and my children. We can plan things and actually do them, or we can chill at home and they dont have to worry about Mummy going off to work later that day. We can stay in our pjs and watch movies or do messy crafts and cooking without me watching the clock.

One more thing I did in my mini “midlife crisis” was start Uni. Online of course and only part time, but it is a degree in childcare and I genuinely cannot believe that I am actually doing it! I love that I am trying to make something of myself and still have the family and life I wanted.

I guess what I am trying to say is that yes, there was some troubling times and really really down days, but through all that…I’m still here! I made it. And all those times I thought the stress would break actually made me and forced me to really think about what I wanted and I am shocked at how far I have come.

So if you made it this far in a very long warbling post then I thank you!! Thank you for reading and letting me get this off my chest. My kids are still little shits, my husband still tests my restraint as a human and my teenage step daughter has found new buttons of mine to push that even I didn’t know I had. All is back to normal and relatively sane.

Well…almost 🙂

xCx

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